Long Time No Post

OK.  Heard from insurance company and now it's real.

They approved the surgery and it's scheduled.

I had hopes of having the surgery before the end of the year, but as it is, I think that the timing (January 12th) will be much better.

My pre-op visits and surgery are scheduled and having them scheduled makes it real.

I had actually started to prepare myself for the possibility that the insurance would deny it since I had been so long since I didn't hear anything for so long.

So, we have a $3000.00 payment to make to the hospital, but other than that, the insurance should cover it.  It will cost $22,000.00 to totally chance my life forever.  Not a lot of money when you think about it.

The countdown begins.

Appt with Dr B

Well, I had my appointment with Dr B.  He says I should lose all the weight that I need to.

Of course, I don't need to lose as much as some people...about 85 pounds.

He says, I should have it off by next summer.

I'm not sure how I feel about that...scared, excited, disbelieving.

I have a lot more to share, but not right now.

Becoming More Real

Well, I have my phych eval set up and the initial consult with Dr B.  The psych eval is October 12th and the appt with Dr B is October 28th.

It's starting to get more real now.

I'm thinking about it a lot.

I've also been nauseated and feeling over full all of the sudden.  It's really strange.  I find myself thinking, "Is this what it will feel like after the surgery?"

I wonder what will happen in the first consult.  I wonder if they'll schedule the surgery.  Could I be surgerized by Thanksgiving?  So many questions and not enough answers.

I'm trying to make myself be VERY patient...not wonder about things...not worry about things I know NOTHING about...just stay calm, hold everything loosely, and let things happen as they will.

I've breached the subject with O. (my oldest daughter).  I don't plan on telling anyone outside my immediate family.  I don't trust anyone on his side, and my side all lives so far away, I'm just not going to tell them until I visit at Christmas (assuming that I have had the surgery by then.) 

I'm not even planning on telling the kiddos because they're so young, I just don't want to explain it to them and have them slip and tell someone.  So, I'm going to tell them that mommy has to have surgery on her "girl parts."

I don't know if that's healthy, but I just really don't want to have to talk to anyone about it.

I did tell my best friend.

I LOVE her SO much and I trust her with my life.  I would do anything for her and she would do anything for me.  It's great to have a friend like that.  I've waited for a LONG time for a friend like that.

Anyway.

I'll sign off for now.  I have a class to prepare for.

More Thoughts

I thought that I would write a little more of what I'm feeling while I'm waiting for Dr Bs office to contact me.  I have no idea how long that will take.

I find myself thinking about the surgery all the time...about what it will be like...about what I will tell people.

I'm not planning on telling anyone except for my best friend and my hubby...and they already know.

I'm CERTAINLY not telling his family and I'm not even going to tell my family before hand.

But, I think that I'm going to write everyone a letter...everyone that means something to me...and let them know how much I love them.  Then, if something happens, Dana can give them their letters and they will know how much I love them and what I was thinking.

I need this surgery...no matter what the risk.

I'm so sick of feeling this way.  I've given up hope of losing weight any other way.

I think I'm pretty motivated.

I think I know that I will never be able to eat normally again...that I'll have to find a NEW normal.

I'm scared that something will happen while I'm on the table because I've had so many bad reactions to procedures, etc.  I'm REALLY scared of the general anesthesia.

Anyway, that's enough for now.

First Steps

I've taken my first steps toward gastric bipass.

I filled out the packet Dr B's office requires and I turned in a release of records for Dr M's office.

Now I guess I wait to hear from Dr B's office.

I went to the original informational meeting about two years ago and I never filled out the papers.  I wasn't ready then.

But, now I am.

I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

I have been diagnosed with HPTN, severe sleep apnea, gastric reflux, and rheumatoid arthritis.  Most of those diagnoses would be helped (if not totally be cured) if I lost weight.

Plus, mom had cardiac bipass in her early 60s.  I don't want to end up like that, and that's where I'm headed if I don't get some of this weight off.

So, am I in a place mentally where I'm ready for this?

I think so.

I've been thinking about it in the back of my mind since the meeting two years ago, and I think I'm ready.  I must be at least a little ready if I was willing to fill out a packet of papers...I HATE paperwork!

Anyway.  I wanted to start this blog to jot down my thoughts about bipass surgery and to record my journey.

We'll see if I follow through.