Stop the World, I Wanna Get Off

Have you ever felt that sometimes? I know there have been times when I wanted to slow down time
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Well, I just discovered the secret.  Have major surgery.  Don't sleep the night before and have so much pain the day and night of the surgery that you can't find a way to fall asleep.

I feel like this day is taking FOREVER. 

Hopfully going home tomorrow.

Day 1 Post Op

Well, the day of the suregery was torture.  I couldn't get out of my bed and my back hurt SO bad that I couldn't even sleep.

So, I didn't sleep the night before the suregery, the day of or the night of.

Consequently, I've been trying to catch up on sleep.

Right now, I fee full of gas, but pretty comfortable.  I can't believe that I"ll be gong home tomorrow.  It seems so strange.

Oh My Gosh

Well, this is really going to happen, unless something REALLY weird happens.

I'm checking into the hospital in a couple of hours, and I can't believe the time is here already.

I've been reading the blogs of others who have reached their goal weight and how happy they are about it and it's encouraging me a lot.

I know that I'm going to be going through some pain, but it's going to be worth it!

Long Time No Post

OK.  Heard from insurance company and now it's real.

They approved the surgery and it's scheduled.

I had hopes of having the surgery before the end of the year, but as it is, I think that the timing (January 12th) will be much better.

My pre-op visits and surgery are scheduled and having them scheduled makes it real.

I had actually started to prepare myself for the possibility that the insurance would deny it since I had been so long since I didn't hear anything for so long.

So, we have a $3000.00 payment to make to the hospital, but other than that, the insurance should cover it.  It will cost $22,000.00 to totally chance my life forever.  Not a lot of money when you think about it.

The countdown begins.

Appt with Dr B

Well, I had my appointment with Dr B.  He says I should lose all the weight that I need to.

Of course, I don't need to lose as much as some people...about 85 pounds.

He says, I should have it off by next summer.

I'm not sure how I feel about that...scared, excited, disbelieving.

I have a lot more to share, but not right now.

Becoming More Real

Well, I have my phych eval set up and the initial consult with Dr B.  The psych eval is October 12th and the appt with Dr B is October 28th.

It's starting to get more real now.

I'm thinking about it a lot.

I've also been nauseated and feeling over full all of the sudden.  It's really strange.  I find myself thinking, "Is this what it will feel like after the surgery?"

I wonder what will happen in the first consult.  I wonder if they'll schedule the surgery.  Could I be surgerized by Thanksgiving?  So many questions and not enough answers.

I'm trying to make myself be VERY patient...not wonder about things...not worry about things I know NOTHING about...just stay calm, hold everything loosely, and let things happen as they will.

I've breached the subject with O. (my oldest daughter).  I don't plan on telling anyone outside my immediate family.  I don't trust anyone on his side, and my side all lives so far away, I'm just not going to tell them until I visit at Christmas (assuming that I have had the surgery by then.) 

I'm not even planning on telling the kiddos because they're so young, I just don't want to explain it to them and have them slip and tell someone.  So, I'm going to tell them that mommy has to have surgery on her "girl parts."

I don't know if that's healthy, but I just really don't want to have to talk to anyone about it.

I did tell my best friend.

I LOVE her SO much and I trust her with my life.  I would do anything for her and she would do anything for me.  It's great to have a friend like that.  I've waited for a LONG time for a friend like that.

Anyway.

I'll sign off for now.  I have a class to prepare for.